We had a bomb scare at the fortress this afternoon. A suspicious package was found in the munitions store. It was suspicious because it did not look like a big bag of things that go bang.
Fortunately, Honoured Master Utsubo, our resident explosives expert in accordance with the teachings of the Ninjitsu on Never Cutting the Red Wire, was on hand. He quickly verified that it was an improvised explosive device, had the room cleared of all ordnance and prepared to carry out a controlled explosion.
Then Brother Wakasagi, our Chief Blog Guru, got involved. (Actually, I don't remember the Order ever appointing a Chief Blog Guru but he insists that's what he is.) Brother Wakasagi stopped Honoured Master Utsubo's work, saying: "Man, you are sooooooo last century. Before we do anything else we should consult the online community."
Honoured Master Utsubo replied: "Why? This is a bomb. We need to detonate it in a controlled fashion."
Brother Wakasagi: "That's only one opinion. I suggest we involve e-experts worldwide to open our minds to other possibilities. Perhaps we do not have to blow up the bomb."
Before Honoured Master Utsubo could insert his spanner into Brother Wakasagi's I/O port, Honoured Mistress Moroko, our Head of Ninja Facilitation Facilities, stepped in: "Does this mean we could save money on repairs? I think we should listen to our Chief Blog Guru."
"But," said Honoured Master Utsubo, "I have trained all my life to render explosives safe. I have studied the most arcane Ninjitsu texts on the subject. Since I was five years old I have been defusing bombs. My father used to throw them at me: happy times... "
As he reminisced about his childhood, Brother Wakasagi piped up: "Well, according to the How To Defuse Bombs Blog, we should cut the red wire. There are 27 comments that agree. And four that say cut the green one. One comment says you can make your penis bigger but it does not elaborate."
Honoured Master Utsubo exploded (not literally). "That is rubbish. Only in Hollywood movies do people cut wires. The only way to make this thing safe is to detonate it in a controlled way."
Brother Wakasagi said: "Well, I've found 34 online experts who disagree. The net is like a giant brain and it disagrees with your old-fashioned, narrow thinking. Who are you to dictate whose point of view is valid?"
Honoured Mistress Moroko then spoke: "Brother Wakasagi's argument is powerful, particularly if I can save 30 Yuan from my budget by not redecorating the room."
Other directors of the Order who had appeared agreed with her. Brother Wakasagi then picked up a pair of pliers. He approached the bomb. And Honoured Master Utsubo started running.
Our Chief Blog Guru saw the old ninja go and shouted: "Lolz, n00b, move with the times, you dinosaur."
Those were his last words. We were going to dig Honoured Mistress Moroko out of the ruins of the west wing but Honoured Masters Toro and Hamzo, who had been absent, told us that we should not be hasty and a full cost-benefit analysis should be undertaken before any rescue.
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