Serious times, my friend, serious times. A deadly plague stalks the lands around us. The terrors of avian flu reach even to the walls of our Order's remote fastness. Yet even in the face of an unseen, lethal enemy the teachings of the Ninjitsu guide and protect us. So it is that, adhering to instructions of The Way of the Sneezing Parrot, we are burning pitch, sprinkling lemon juice on the exterior walls and smearing beeswax on our faces to keep the disease at bay.
I pointed out to our chief medic, Honoured Master Megochi, that this was a tad primitive. His reply was that by relying on 16th century superstitions and really high walls we were far more prepared for a pandemic than most major countries.
Shortly after, Honoured Master Megochi left our base in a hurry, citing "urgent business in Siberia" that required his immediate attention. Several other senior ninjas have joined him. Still I reassure myself with the following thought: "It's not spread to pandas so sod you, Jack, I'm all right."