The Way of the Ethics Man

Every assassin has pangs of conscience. This was brought home to me when I encountered Master Hanzo leading an informal discussion on the tricky question of ethics.

This delighted me as I wanted to unburden myself of some moral dilemmas.

"Master Hanzo," I said, performing the correct obeisance in accordance with the teachings of the Ninjitsu. "I too have recently been troubled by the ethics of our craft. I am not sure I could indeed take a life. Or indeed tell a lie if questioned by the police about our operations."

I then presented a list of alternative approaches I have been considering. These included rebranding "The Honoured Order Of The Ninjitsu" as "The Happy People Who Wear Black PJs And Help Other People Pack Their Bags At The Supermarket", replacing our core task of "killing" with "causing mild social embarrassment by using the wrong cutlery" and finally renouncing the katana, shuriken and naginata in favour of "chastising our victims with rough language, though stopping short of the C and F words".

Everyone in the group looked at me thoughtfully. Then Master Hanzo spoke in the measured tones that his great years of experience have lent him

"Actually, Brother Calgacus, I was not talking about ethics. I was reminiscing about an assignment in Basildon."

I looked at him, not comprehending what he was saying.

"It's in Essex," he explained. "Essex. Not ethics. Though I shall bear your comments about cutlery in mind.

"And also your reluctance to lie to the police."

All in all, it's been a very odd day. Especially as I appear to have developed another black patch on my fur. This one is most unusual. It's a perfect circle right in the middle of my forehead.