I know it has been a fortnight since my last entry but it is exam season here, in accordance with the teachings of the Ninjitsu, and I have spent the past days preparing myself for the ordeal ahead.
My preparations have been slightly thrown off balance. I had readied myself with pencils, A4 pads full of aides memoires, the York Notes on Silent Assassination Techniques and my lucky gonk. I asked Master Lee Brus - the head librarian - where the study area was situated.
To my surprise he grabbed my papers and other supplies and fashioned a small fire out of them. He then directed me to the Revision Area - a small carp pond in which all the other students were standing in the Position of the Poised Crane.
As I took my position, Master Lee Brus explained that a ninja prepares for tasks internally and that notes, pencils and especially gonks were of no use. Come examination day, we would come to thank him, he assured us, that he made us stand one legged in a pond for two weeks. That is, those who had not been severely beaten for failing to maintain the pose would thank him.
He then took us through the marking system, in accordance with the teachings of the Ninjitsu. Thanks to "namby-pamby modern teaching methods" there was no such thing as a "fail". Even students getting an F grade would pass the exam. Even though they had scored less than 30 per cent, they would be be given a certificate.
He went on: "However, a note will be made on their file saying that they require extra support. They will then be taken on to the roof of the exam hall and beheaded."
To help us focus, Master Lee Brus has been dropping coconuts from the roof of the exam hall every 15 minutes for the past fortnight.
As a result, I can no longer spell Ninjitsu without the help of a page of the York Notes on Silent Assassination Techniques that I saved from the ashes.